We all go through our lives continually dealing with conflict, misunderstanding, and disappointment. Although, these things are unavoidably part of life, we can learn techniques or practices that may help us deal with these situations more gracefully. It can be very hard to let go of our feelings of righteousness. Most of us will defend our point of view to the end…even if we know it is wrong! I will lay out some ancient wisdoms regarding these issues.

Once upon a time, long ago, lived a visionary sage and yogi named Patanjali. In the second century B.C. he wrote his most recognized work: The Yoga Sutras, which is revered as the fundamental teachings of yoga practice, philosophy and lifestyle. In this text, he lays out a practical path to transcend the common sufferings of human existence and attain true peace. It is a collection of short aphorisms all pointing to different aspects of the same truths.

In this article, I wanted to share the bramavihara. Patanjali spends a number of sutras explaining the causes of suffering. Then, he gives us four basic practices to use to help us understand and begin to do away with these causes of suffering, these are the brahamavihara: “The Four Attitudes”. In a commentary by Donna Farhi she states, “Surprisingly, we are not told to find ourselves a nice little secluded cave in which to begin our practices. Rather, we are advised to begin our practices by cleaning up our social relationships. He suggests we develop four attitudes (brahmavihara) to life’s challenges and apply these to all our relationships and in all situations. These qualities of the heart are conducive to peace of mind and thus can enable us to overcome the distractions that already exist in the mind and to prevent the production of more psychological distress.”

The Four Attitudes are:
1.      Friendliness toward the joyful
2.      Compassion for those who are suffering
3.      Celebrating the good in others
4.      Remaining impartial to the faults and imperfections of others
(Yoga-Sutra I.33)

Farhi continues, “Our spiritual fitness can be tested only in relationship to others. We may ascribe ourselves all kinds of spiritual attainments while we are perched on our meditation cushion [or church pew], but do these attainments hold up when challenged in relationship? Are we like the dog that behaves nicely when patted and turns into a ferocious beast the moment it’s fur is rubbed the wrong way?”     

These attitudes seem fairly simple and easy, but in practice they can be harder than you think. A coworker receives a long awaited promotion and instead of celebrating with him, we despise that we didn’t get it. How often do we walk by a homeless person and not even make eye contact? How often do we get into conflicts with our loved ones about every small mistake they might have made? Or get upset with our own selves about every small mistake we make?
I challenge you to ponder and experiment with these four practices, the brahmavihara.
 
(Quotations excerpted from “Bring Yoga to Life” by Donna Farhi)